How to Build a Winning Partnership with Your Executive

Jeremy · 0:00

My assistant sees, understands and drives things in a way that I can't. She supports and guides me in a way that leads me to lead better. Don H. CEO, Colorado Springs, CO. Colorado.

Speaker 2 · 0:20

The Leader Assistant Podcast exists to encourage and challenge assistants to become confident, game-changing leader assistants.

Jeremy · 0:36

You The Leader Assistant Podcast is brought to you by Goody. If you're starting to think about holiday gifts for your team, like I am, Goody is a game changer. They have amazing gifts that people will really love, including brands that give back to charitable causes. As a longtime executive assistant, I've always been nervous about holiday gifting season. But thankfully, Goody's platform lets you send one gift or hundreds at the same time without ever worrying about shipping details. Can I get an amen? With Goody, your gift recipients provide all their shipping info and they can even swap out your gift for another option if they prefer. It's free to start gifting and you can get a $20 credit when you sign up. Oh, and if you mentioned you heard about Goody from The Leader Assistant Podcast, Goody will add an extra $10 credit to your account. Go to leaderassistant.com/goody to start gifting today. Hey friends, welcome to episode 184 of The Leader Assistant Podcast. It's your host Jeremy Burrows and today I'm excited to be sharing an excerpt from my audio book, The Leader Assistant, Four Pillars of a Confident, Game-Changing Assistant. And this excerpt is from chapter 21, which is called Your Executive. And in this practical and challenging chapter, I cover how to build a winning partnership with your executive by giving up your hero mindset. I talk about how to say no to your executive, how to work with a micromanager, and I also share six questions to ask your executive to help you cultivate your strategic partnership. I hope you enjoy this clip from my audio book. Be sure to download the entire audio book at audio.leaderassistant.com. And if you prefer paperback or e-books, be sure to check out The Leader Assistant on Amazon at amazon.leaderassistant.com. Chapter 21, Your Executive. Once you have a strong support network of assistants who have your back and call you on your BS, BS equals bull spit if you're curious, you'll be empowered to engage in the next key relationship, your relationship with your executive. To clarify, when I say engage, I don't mean you storm into your executive's office to shout orders and blame them for your high blood pressure, even if it's true. I also don't mean you avoid eye contact or walk into your one-on-one with your head down. Instead, confidently have conversations with your executive that lead to game-changing results for you both. Your relationship with your executive should be professional, strategic and mutually supportive. Your goal is to help them succeed and their goal is to help you succeed. The following lessons I've learned over the years will help you build a winning partnership as you engage in your relationship with your executive. Don't be a hero. You save the day for your executive all the time. You bend over backwards behind the scenes to help them succeed. One could argue you're a hero to your executive, and in many ways you are. But should you see yourself primarily as the hero in your executive's story? Donald Miller is an author and CEO of a marketing business called Storybrand. His company uses an age-old framework to help businesses not see themselves as the hero coming to save the day for their customers. Instead, he urges businesses to invite their customers into a story where the customer is always the hero. Miller likes to use Star Wars as an example. Luke Skywalker is the hero who saves the day by destroying the Death Star. Yoda is one of the few key guides who help Luke along his hero's journey. In the story brand framework, a business is Yoda, the guide to help the hero customer, Luke, conquer the glaciers along their journey. I love this framework because it takes the customer's focus off of how awesome a business is. Instead, it shifts the customer's attention to how that business can help the customer win the battle they're fighting. A business should strive to be Yoda, not Luke. The same goes for you if you want to be a game-changing leader assistant. You are the guide in your executive's journey. After all, if they succeed in conquering the evil empire, you win too. Let's look at your resume as an example of how this framework plays out practically. If you see yourself as the hero, your resume might lead with, I've been an assistant for 23 years. If you see yourself as the guide, however, your resume might lead with, I help you save time, period. Notice the difference? Don't get me wrong. I'm all about you being confident and proud of your experience and what you've accomplished throughout your career. You can even wear a red cape if you'd like. But your executive doesn't care about your credentials unless those credentials show what you can do for them. Think of yourself as Yoda, the guide who helps the hero, your executive and company, win. You're not the hero. Communicating with Your Executive As I typed this, my boys are playing with Lego in the next room. At the moment, they're playing very well together, and it's one of the sweetest sounds I've ever heard. As soon as I was done typing the above sentence, Weston came in with his fidget spinner UFO and tiny alien and walked it all over my desk. It was very sweet until I realized his hand, the one that just took a tour of my mouse and keyboard, was covered in snot. Ah, the joys of parenting. If I'm lucky, my boys will get through this play session without incident. But these precious moments of play often halt abruptly with a dead, Silas won't let me have the blue Lego, or dead, Weston took my red Lego. In these moments of communication breakdown, I tend to ask the following question. Did you nicely ask your brother for what you want? Nine times out of ten they answer, well, no. In other words, my boys often fail to communicate. The more I coach assistants through their own communication issues, the more I'm convinced that, just as with my Lego-loving boys, open dialogue is the key to a productive working relationship. The other day I was on a coaching call with an assistant who said she wanted to be a leader and take more initiative with her executive but didn't know where to start. I asked her how often she and her executive meet together. She said they rarely, if ever, get time to meet. Another assistant told me she meets regularly with her executive but has a similar problem. She doesn't know how to level up and make more impact with her executive. Her issue isn't a lack of face-to-face meetings, but a lack of intentional structure and conversations in those meetings. Questions aren't a sign of weakness. How can you improve communication with your executive? You can start by regularly asking your executive questions to understand the why behind what they do and to ensure you're on the same page. Ask a lot of clarifying questions if you want to anticipate and read your executive's mind to improve productivity and efficiency. Questions aren't a sign of weakness. They're a sign of leadership. Think about a few of the best conversations you've ever had, or the most interesting podcast interviews you've listened to, or the best counseling or therapy session you were a part of. What was the common thread in all of these? They were full of good questions. If you're just starting off with a new executive, ask more questions than you might be comfortable with. If you've been with the same executive for several years, you won't need to ask as many questions, but never stop asking. You're not perfect, and you're not your executive, so don't be afraid to ask. As I mentioned earlier in the book, I was the de facto accountant for our startup during its first year of existence. I supervised a large budget in my previous role at a nonprofit, but I'd never worked for a for-profit before. I knew nothing about how our CEO wanted the numbers crunched, so I annoyed him with countless clarifying questions. In the long run, my questioning made things easier on our eventual accounting manager and CFO because I had things at least partially set up the way our CEO wanted it from the beginning. In fact, we were audited by the IRS for that year I managed the books, and we passed with flying colors. I'm glad I asked lots of questions. Does your executive encourage your questioning or express frustration when you speak up? If it's uncomfortable for you to speak openly and ask questions of your executive, be honest with yourself about why. Is it because you're intimidated by your executive? If so, why? Did something happen between you two? Did you have a previous executive who would verbally abuse you if you dared ask a question? Are you silent because you simply don't know what to ask? Questions to Ask Your Executive Let's go over some specific questions you can ask your executive to help you be proactive and anticipate their needs. You probably don't want to ask all of these in one sitting, so spread them out across a few one-on-one meetings. Also, arrive prepared with a suggested answer to each question in case your executive is stumped. Finally, be sure to take notes, make an action plan, then revisit that plan in a few weeks. What's one thing I could do to make your job less stressful this week? Your job is to make your executive's job easier, so cut to the chase. Ask this question and be ready to propose an answer. It could be as simple as grabbing lunch for them when they don't have time to grab it themselves, or as complicated as formatting a 59-page PowerPoint presentation for the upcoming board meeting. Don't ask if you're not willing to get your hands dirty. In what ways do I frustrate you? How would you recommend I change? This question gets the most cringes when I share it during my training or speaking engagements. It's certainly a humbling question to ask and puts you in a vulnerable position. But if your executive is frustrated about something you are or aren't doing, you want to know. In your next one-on-one, frame this question casually. You could say, I've been working on my professional development in general, but one of the things I'm curious about is if there's something about the way I work that frustrates you. If so, I'd like to consider ways I can improve and be more helpful to you. When I asked one of my executives this question, he said he wished I didn't ping him about minor details throughout the day. Instead, he suggested we go over small details once or twice a week to limit distractions. It was hard to hear at the time, but it was an invaluable tip. I've now used this tactic for years, and every executive loves it. What's my strength? Do you believe this strength is being utilized? If not, what changes could we make to get more out of me in this area? You might be really good at writing communications to the entire company, but does your executive give you the opportunity to do so? Or are they asking you to run pointless errands all the time? Ask them this question so you can begin to work more from your strengths. Again, you'll want to be ready to answer these questions to show you're self-aware and ready for action.

Speaker 3 · 13:36

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Jeremy · 14:13

Is there a task or project you're working on that I could take care of? Don't let your executive micromanage or work on tasks that aren't in their job description. You might already have a list of tasks you can take off their plate, so have this list with you. Could we rearrange our calendars to make things easier, more enjoyable, and more productive for you? The answer to this question should always be yes. Be aware of the meetings your executive should or should not be attending. Make it a priority to sit down with them and do an audit of their calendar, like I discuss in Chapter 10. How can I help you prioritize your to-do list? Many executives know what they need to do, but they get overwhelmed and don't know where to begin. You can help them break their to-do list into bite-sized tasks. You can then work with them to prioritize the list so they don't miss anything important. Learn to lead. I realize asking these questions can be intimidating. It takes courage and maturity to be vulnerable, especially if your executive is resistant. But I've never regretted asking. I always take something away that helps me lead better. In fact, these questions often spark some of the best strategic business conversations we've had. You know, the types of conversations entrepreneurs and MBA students would pay a lot of money to be a part of. Say no to your executive. I discussed saying no in Chapter 9, but I want to talk about this tactic specifically as it relates to your relationship with your executive. As a leader assistant, be willing to say no to your executive. There are times when your executive will ask you to do something, but you know it will take your focus off of higher priority tasks. Instead of just adding it to your to-do list, consider pushing back. Ask your executive if that task can be offloaded to another team member or disregarded completely. When an executive says they want something done, they usually mean it. But I found that if you remind them of the big picture, they'll rethink whether a task is necessary. When my previous executive was fired, he and I sat down and debriefed what happened. We talked about several times I told him no or strongly advised him against a decision, yet he didn't listen. He regretfully admitted he should have listened to me more. I often wonder, if I would have been more firm, would things have turned out differently for him? I don't blame myself for his failures, but I did learn that sometimes it's okay to be more assertive when saying no to an executive. Working with a Micro-Manager I have a confession to make. I'm a control freak. I like things done the right way. Of course, when I say the right way, I mean my way. If someone does something well but not exactly the way I like it done, I'll do everything in my power to correct it. I'm sure Meg would be happy to tell you more about my condition. I'm not proud to be an experienced and gifted Micro-Manager, but there are times when it seems Micro-Managing is the only way to get anything done. At one of our offsite strategic leadership meetings, I ordered lunch for the entire group. There was a restaurant on the other end of the block, so I figured it would be a safe option for getting food for 16 people in a timely manner. I debated picking up the order myself, but I didn't want to miss any of the discussion. I also thought to myself, Jeremy, you don't have to do everything. Just have them deliver it. You can probably guess where the story is headed. The delivery driver picked up our order and someone else's at the same time. Instead of looking to see how close we were, he decided to deliver our order second. As it turned out, the order he chose to deliver first was 20 minutes away. Our food failed to arrive on time, so I called the restaurant to ask where it was. They said the driver was on his way, so all I could do was pace back and forth as a room full of hungry team members waited for me. I kept thinking I should have picked up the food myself. If I would have micromanaged, the team would have gotten their lunch on time. When lunch finally did arrive, it was an hour late. As an assistant, you experience moments like this all the time. But do you know who else deals with inefficient and incompetent people on a regular basis? Your executive. So the next time your executive breathes down your neck about something, try putting yourself in their shoes. Maybe they've been at the mercy of a team that doesn't finish the graphics in time for their presentation. Or they've missed a deadline because the communications team created a video that totally missed the vision they were trying to convey. In other words, your executive knows what it's like to think, I should have taken care of it myself. They know how difficult it is to trust others. Have you thought about what motivates your executive to micromanage? The best way to encourage your executive to be less controlling and more trusting is to recognize and help them see why they micromanage. From there, you can lead your executive out of their controlling ways. Here are three common motivations behind our tendency to micromanage. Make a note of which ones are more likely to cause your executive to be controlling. These motivations will also give you language to use when bringing this topic up with your executive. 1. Control. Your executive might micromanage because they feel like they're losing control of some aspect of their life. It could be unrelated to you. Maybe it's a board member, a department lead, or even a rebellious teenager at home. Are they grasping for what they can control out of desperation? Be aware of the entire context of the situation, especially if your executive is a seasonal micromanager. 2. Completing a task. Your executive works on initiatives or projects that take months, maybe even years, to complete. Because there's so much time between completing these projects, they can feel unproductive for months. To combat this lack of momentum, they might want to build a quick slide deck, schedule a meeting, or see another quick task to completion. Several times throughout the process of writing this book, I've found myself taking a break to reply to an email or post a quick thought on social media. You know, things I can check off a list in a few minutes to feel accomplished. This is why many executives struggle to delegate simple tasks. And even when they do, they micromanage. They don't want to miss the thrill of seeing something get done. They want to feel productive. Is this your executives' motivation for micromanaging? If so, help your executive break their long-term projects into parts they can measure on a short-term basis. In other words, if they see progress along the way, perhaps they won't feel so unproductive. 3. Excellence There are times when I want things to be done with excellence, and I do my best to help others succeed. In these situations, my goal is to equip and empower. However, if I don't trust the other person to do a good job, I hurt the situation, not help it. My micromanaging takes away any space for that person to figure it out on their own. In other words, I'm not setting them up to succeed. I'm not empowering them toward excellence. I'm not delegating well. I'm simply doing everything for them while they watch. Is excellence your executive's motivation? Think about the last time they micromanaged you. Was it necessary for them to be so involved? Or was it simply a personal preference? Was their motivation truly excellence and productivity? Or did they just want to maintain control? Can you gently show them your track record of excellence to ease their fears? Delegate Results Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. Former Army General George Patton Now that you have an idea of what's behind your executive's desire to micromanage, you can help them learn to delegate results, not just tasks. In short, your executive should explain the why and let you figure out the what and how. If you need help along the way, your executive can make themselves available. As a footnote, I first heard about the concept of delegating results versus tasks from Brian Miles, co-founder and former CEO of Belay Solutions, the largest virtual assistant firm in the US. Here's an example of delegating a task. Your executive asks you to schedule a meeting with all 11 board members over a nice dinner at an offsite location before the end of the year. The next day, your executive texts each board member to ask what day works for the meeting. Then they call a couple of restaurants to reserve a room. A couple of days later, your executive calls you to tell you a few date options and mentions they found a great restaurant. You let them know you already booked a different restaurant. They tell you to call so-and-so to get a third option just in case. Later that day, your executive texts the board again to ask where they'd like to have the meeting. After gathering a few responses, they ask you to visit each restaurant to get a feel for what the best option would be. The next day, your executive decides to visit a couple of the restaurants, then books a room at one of them. When they call you later, you inform them you've already visited all three and booked a room at one of the other options. This whole time you're thinking to yourself, great, I just wasted my time on all this while you did the work, and you wasted your time on it even though you have bigger fish to fry. Here's an example of delegating results. Your executive asks you to schedule a meeting with all 11 board members over a nice dinner at an offsite location before the end of the year. Your executive tells you to let them know if you have any questions or run into any issues along the way. They go back to working on the agenda for the meeting and other key projects as they await your updates. You book the restaurant and all is well. Trust and lead. Notice the difference? Your executive can stop micromanaging and start leading well by delegating results no matter what their motivations are. Your job is to help them overcome the poor leadership practice of micromanaging and learn to delegate results. Lead your executive by giving them specific examples of times they've delegated tasks when they could have delegated results. Walk them through your examples and show them how delegating results would have looked. Ask them if they'd be willing to try it differently for the next project. Working with a Resistant Executive If your executive is resistant to you engaging them, consider the following alternative ways to approach them. First, your executive might not like being put on the spot. Instead of asking questions, you could present proposals and suggestions. For example, don't ask, How can I help you prioritize your to-do list? Instead say, Here is your prioritized to-do list for the week. Did I miss anything? Sometimes you don't need to ask your executive how to help. Instead, show them how you've already helped. Another way to work with a resistant executive is to have an open conversation with them. Of course, how you frame the conversation is critical. Make the conversation about helping them, not about how you wish they weren't so difficult. Let them know you want to take on more responsibility so they have more capacity to succeed. If you've attempted this conversation with no luck, consider asking an HR representative to attend the meeting as a mediator. Initiating a meeting like this can lead to a few worst-case scenarios. Your executive could be a defensive jerk, verbally abuse you, or even fire you for being nosy. As tough as these scenarios would be, the quicker you can move on from a toxic environment, the better. If you've tried different ways to engage in your relationship with your executive, but they won't respond, it's time to move on. I know it's easier said than done, but confident, game-changing leader assistants don't put up with abusive relationships. Before you defend your executive and claim they aren't abusive, remember that avoidance is a form of abuse. Maybe your executive isn't actively abusive or disrespectful, but they are lazy and lack leadership skills. Your life is too short and your career is too important to work for an executive who fails to challenge you, draw the best out of you, and support you. Supporting Multiple Executives If you have more than one executive, you can apply the above tactics and questions to each executive. The key is to know their unique communication styles as discussed in Chapter 18, and adapt accordingly. If you have a few executives and one of them is difficult, but the others are great, talk to the difficult one. Give them examples of systems and methods you and the other executives have found to be helpful. Show them data to quantify the success you've had with the other executives. Do you want to cultivate an unstoppable strategic partnership? Engage in thoughtful conversations, learn to say no, ask questions, and lead your executive out of their micromanaging ways. I hope you enjoyed this clip from my audiobook. Be sure to download the entire book at audio.leaderassistant.com. You can sign in to your Audible account, or you can buy it directly from Amazon at amazon.leaderassistant.com. Until next time, have a great day.

Speaker 2 · 29:49

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